Until recently, I was fairly convinced that Henry Kelly was dead, you know. Not because of any malicious rumours to that effect, or anything like that: just that it seemed the most natural and probable explanation for my never having seen of heard anything of him since my childhood. As it emerges, he is, in fact, now on Classic FM. Which, I suppose, was the SECOND most natural and probable explanation for my never having heard anything of his whereabouts.

Anyway. Going For Gold, eh? Top-notch daytime viewing for young and old alike, I'm sure you'll agree. Henry Kelly triumphed superbly over his apparent lack of a personality to present the show with style and aplomb, and the contestants were surprisingly decent: none of the teeth-grindingly stupid people you get on low-budget shows, nor the equally infuriating pompous prats that crop up on "Fifteen to One" with such an alarming regularity. No indeed: the whole thing was exceptionally gentle and genteel, with the only cause for any mild disturbance of the spleen being the fact that the nationalities of the contestants were flaunted ruthlessly, and that there was always more English people on it than people from PROPER countries. Fortunately, not even this sinister nationalistic streak was enough to spoil a perfectly good little quiz show: that feat was left to Channel 5's cavalcade of CHARLATANRY, 'One to Win', which duly completed it with a devestating efficiency that made the German invasion of Poland look like an episode of the most incompetent bungling.