Does anyone remember an old Megadrive game called Cosmic Spacehead? No? Well, let me refresh your memories a bit. Released by Codemasters sometime in the early/mid 90's (I think), it was an attempt to combine the best of brain-boggling puzzles with paradigms of reaction-straining action in the most all-encompassing gaming experience of all time. And the way to do this? By interspersing the cartoony point-and-click adventure action with the occasional piece of cartoony platform-jumping cheesiness. The whole thing, of course, was a miserable failure: the adventure bits were mind-numbingly easy, and the platform bits, as if to compensate, weren't actually HARD, but simply shockingly unfair. Anyone who owned a Spectrum when they were a kid will know EXACTLY what I mean by this: the gut-wrenching feeling when a pixel-collision-detection system dodgier than most Scottish referees ruled that one of the outer electrons of your on-screen counter-parts had SMASHED HEAD-LONG into an air-pocket caused by your enemy's forward motions, causing you to fall down DEAD on the spot. I remain convinced to this very day that John Rawls' seminal philosophical work, "A Theory of Justice", was actually a very long, and probably quite sarcastic, letter of complaint to Codemasters. So, no change there, then. Purists will point out that the mixture of excruciating lows and humdrum middles was not a weakness, but a startling reflection of Life ITSELF, but then, purists will say ANYTHING to get some attention.

If you're one of those people who remembers 'Alias the Jester' better than 'Cosmic Spacehead', you're probably wondering why I've spent the better part of this section wittering on about something not at all related to the 80's cartoon. And the answer is, quite simply, that I'm NOT one of those people who remembers 'Alias the Jester' better than 'Cosmic Spacehead'. In fact, the only thing I can remember about Alias the Jester is that he looked a BIT like Cosmic Spacehead. And I'm not even sure of THAT. So, if YOU know a bit about 'Alias the Jester', write your OWN bloody review, or send your complaints about the unacceptable brevity of this one to: